May 1st, 2008


Something's gotta change, maybe a lot of things.

I've been living a pretty high intensity lifestyle for the last nine months or so. It's been great. I fell in love. I rode my bicycle everywhere. I went to Mexico. I tango danced. I contra danced. I swing danced. I played a bunch of Rock Band. I wrote some music.

But I feel like I've been busy every day for as long as I remember, and I've been neglecting basic things I used to do. I used to hike in the gorge a lot. I used to practice the viola. I used to cook myself food, keep the house clean, buy clothes, pay bills mostly on time, and mow the lawn, for pity's sake. That stuff hasn't been happening recently.

Then, suddenly, this morning, as I was going to work, something snapped. Actually two things--the first was my rear derailleur cable. Fortunately I was only a few blocks from home so I went back and took the car. As I drove to work, that's when the other thing snapped--I'm not sure what it was--my confidence in my lifestyle, perhaps? I found myself thinking, when am I possibly going to have time to get my bike fixed? Every day was booked with work, every evening with fun activities, and to top it off I was supposed to go to my 10 year college reunion this weekend. But I'd been busy enough (or, possibly, procrastinating enough) that I hadn't even gotten plane tickets yet. And besides, going to the reunion would mean another weekend with no time at home, and missing at least three things in Portland that I was really interested in doing (Portland all-day Sacred Harp sing, helping Amariah move, and Beth's fabulous music appreciation class).

On top of that I've been feeling bad about several other things I haven't had time for recently, like job hunting and personal programming projects. And I kind of feel like my life has gone out of my control and I've run out of time to enjoy it.

So I've decided it's time to slow down and take stock of things. That means no reunion. Sorry, my wonderful college friends. I love you all and I miss you. This is just the wrong weekend for me to be away from home.

I'm definitely still going to Beth's music class, because I promised to play some music there, because it's only two hours, and because it's two of my favorite hours of the week. And I'll probably still make some of the Sacred Harp sing. As for the rest, I don't know. We'll see how things go after I've had a bit of downtime.